The Name Game
Woke up to grey and overcast this morning. The little traipse out to get the Sunday paper was across the wetness left by one of the showers that keep working through the area. Sixty-one degrees is pleasant, though.
As I ate breakfast and read the paper, I found that we have announcements of thirty-eight births in the paper. Twenty-one are to parents who decided to procreate without acceding to those tired old conventions concerning family and marriage, and five of the new mommies didn’t manage to catch the name of the drive-by sperm donor who fathered their new little crotch-fruit.
First out the chute, we have a couple of those “manly” single-syllable names:
Randy B. & Jamie G. present their son, little Brock Logan.
Michael & Anita F. tag their son with Reed Michael.
We have the usual thundering herd of wrong:
Jeremy & Erica F. present their new son, little Kaysen Brandon.
Miss Jessy B. shows her new daughter, little Pailey Nell. She doesn’t show a name for the father.
Miss Andrea Z. names her new daughter for a flowering shrub, presenting us with little Azalea.
Miss Yashika(!) L. brings her new daughter, little Lawrencia Lanee. Seeing as how momma’s named after a Japanese camera, seems like she’d have a better memroy for a daddy’s name, but sadly, no.
Miss Treasure(!) K. presents her new daughter, little Lailyn Jayde, because, yaknow, the letter “y” just oozes sophistication.
Tony M. & Laken (!) D. tag their son with Kahle James. They’re still waiting for the dog to “return” the rest of the Scrabble set.
Brandon R. & Brittney J. cleverly name their daughter Brandyn, with a “y”!
Clifford N. Sr. & Antonette W. produce a little girl, Daija Ariayanna. Since de daddy’s a “senior”, this infers that he’s been spreading joy and genetic materials elsewhere.
Brandon & Denee Q. Show how to do tryndeigh with their new son, little Breckon Layne. And yet another superfluous “y”.
And we have a couple of families who see need that exists outside the confines of the standardd alphabet:
Deshon T. & Carmesha P. Okay, with a “Deshon” and a “Carmesha”, did you REALLY expect a BORING name? Well, their new daughter is Essence D’Maria. Satisfied now?
If that didn’t surprise you, then this couple won’t, either: Donovan C. and (get this) Keyoakland P. have a new son, little D’veon Markell. Poor kid never had a chance.
The one fact that gives me cause to think is that we STILL haven’t had a little Obama or Barack or whatever…